The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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