I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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