Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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