I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
