bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
