The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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