she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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