Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
