something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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