The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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