Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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