Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
