i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize