I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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