my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
