Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
