Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
