I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
