people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
