Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Terrible idea I love it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
