you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
