You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
