yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
