went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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