you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
