I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
