Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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