i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
