He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
