He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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