She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize