Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
