you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
