I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
