So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize