Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
