i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
