we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
