i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
