tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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