When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize