just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
