highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
