I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
