she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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