..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
