I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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