I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
