Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
