just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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