we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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