is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize