erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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