It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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