I got chris browned last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
