Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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