i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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