Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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