so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
