I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Randomize
