with your own penis?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
