are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
