Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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