is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
