I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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