kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
