i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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